The Audiophile Christmas Blues

While there are certainly some pros to being an audiophile at Christmas, there is one major negative that outweighs them considerably. And I’m not talking about the scourge that is Christmas music, although I should address that question at some point because… I have some thoughts. But no, what I’m referring to is something that you likely already know if you are reading this site – the Christmas season is a TERRIBLE TIME TO WORK YOUR AUDIO SIDE HUSTLE.

Most hardcore audiophiles I know – I’m talking junkies here, not those round-the-way cats who huff a little now and then, but serious fiends who are out on the corner every day chasing that next bag – these kinds of audiophiles are always selling something so they can buy something else, or more likely, so they can pay off something they already bought. For such folks it’s not a hobby, it’s a way of life.

About eleven months of the year, with some natural ebbs and flows, the audio corner is on and poppin. But come Black Friday, it’s like 5-O rolled up everybody, junkies and corner boys alike, and the open-air market we all know and love is closed for business until after the holidays.

It’s not hard to figure out why. Christmas is expensive and, as the beloved carol goes, ’tis the season to buy a bunch of shit for everyone else in your life, not peruse the usual sites looking for the next amp you don’t need fa la la la.

Meanwhile, there is not a loving significant other on God’s green earth who knows what the fuck US Audio Mart or Audiogon is. Nobody’s going to those sites to find that perfect Shun Mook or Bybee Quantum Purifier for the special someone in their life.

“Sugarmuffin, guess what? I got you a Shun Mook. Not a fake one either, the real one! That’s real century-old mpingo right there aged in a African swamp!”

“You got me a piece of swampwood motherfucker I got you a Rolex!”

The only major item I’ve ever sold around Christmas time was a PrimaLuna amp that I had on eBay. A woman wrote me a message to say “I have no idea what this thing is or what it does but I know this is exactly what my boyfriend wants.” To cover the eBay fees I’d listed it a good $400 more than I did at USAM and though as a rule I don’t do this when I list at eBay (and trust me I don’t list there often), I steered her to my ad at USAM to save her some dough just because she clearly was a little flabbergasted as to why she was shelling out two grand plus on this thing that as far as she knew was for a chemistry experiment. Actually I do remember one exact thing she wrote that cracked me up: “I know it’s something that he needs for his stereo.” Oh the longsuffering spouses of the world.

Of course, given that Christmas is such a dry season on the selling front, it stands to reason that it’s a good time to make a lowball offer on anything that’s been sitting around for a while because you just might catch somebody who’s more than ready to make a deal, needing as we all do that extra scratch for the usual retinue of Xboxes and Ipads that the season now implies.

That said, man I hate having things shipped this time of year. Such chaos in FedExLand – shit gets lost or profoundly mistreated by angry (angrier than usual anyway) couriers and truck loaders. Myself I just prefer to wait it out, take a little break from the hustle game and see everybody back out on their usual corners come January.